For all teenagers. What do you think of my writing?

I say it is a wonderful story indeed which is filled with magics. Your description describes the feature of the chracter and its actions very well. The magical creatures and setting of the story add some splendid taste which gives a thrilling feeling to read. There are some correction that you might check, the "sometime". I would say that you should finish that and publish to your school paper cause it is a story that teenagers don't wanna miss.